Exclusive Excerpt of Never Letting Go by Kristin MacQueen
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Frankie
I walk through the cafeteria line, grabbing chicken nuggets and french fries with an unsweetened iced tea. I pay the cashier, pausing in the middle of the cafeteria. Where am I supposed to sit? I don’t really know anyone anymore. Sure, I grew up with these people but I don’t know them now.
I see a tall guy with light brown hair, smiling at me as he walks my way. I give him a slight smile before turning my attention back to finding a place to eat.
“Hey, you’re Frankie, right?”
“Oh, uh, yea. Do I know you?”
He throws his head back, letting out a low chuckle. He’s cute, no, more than cute. He’s really handsome. His honey colored eyes twinkle as he stares into my eyes.
“No, you don’t. My name is Liam. I moved here after you moved away, but I’m glad you’re back.”
A frown pulls my lips down just a little bit. Why would he be happy I’m back? He doesn’t know me.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Liam chuckles again as he throws his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. The scent of his cologne fills my nostrils. It’s woodsy but not overwhelming. “I’ve heard a lot about you and I think you are just the girl I need in my life for my senior year.”
“Is that so?”
“Definitely.”
Liam steers me towards a table and holds out his hand in a sit here gesture.
I don’t want to sit with him but I don’t know where else I can sit. Taking a deep breath, I sit down on the bench. Liam sits next to me, throwing a crooked smile my way.
“Who told you about me?” I tilt my head to the side, examining him as he steals a fry and pops it in his mouth. He chews a few times, swallowing before he responds.
“We have a mutual best friend.” He glances over my shoulder, a devilish smile spreading across his lips. “Look, here he is now.”
I turn, my eyes lock on Noah making his way over to us.
“Nope. Not happening.” I mumble as I gather my drink and food.
I’ll find another place to eat. I’ll eat in the damn bathroom if I have to but I won’t eat with Noah.
A heart can only take being ignored so many times before it’s destroyed for good. I refuse to let Noah Vaccaro destroy me.
“Come on, Frankie. Stay.” Liam’s large hand grips my wrist in a strong but gentle way.
“He doesn’t want me here.” I say, my eyes pleading with him to let me go.
“He says that but…” His lips move to the side like he’s debating whether or not he should finish his sentence.
“But what?” I snap a little. I don’t mean to come off so mean but I need to know what he was going to say.
“I think it’s a front. I don’t think he wants to want you around but he does.”
“You don’t know that. You can’t.”
“I’m his best friend, Frankie, I know the guy better than anyone else. He wants you back in his life but he sure as hell isn’t going to give you an invitation.”
“Why would I want to be back in his life? He’s the one pushing me away.”
Liam’s hand comes up and cups my face. The touch should make me feel uncomfortable but it doesn’t.
“Because he needs you.” He whispers before lowering his hand and plasters a smile on his face. “Hey, Noah.”
Noah glares extra hard at me, dropping onto the bench across from Liam and I.
“I gotta… I gotta go.” I mumble, trying to get up again. Liam puts an arm out, stopping me once again.
“Don’t leave because he’s an ass hole.” He says, throwing a thumb towards Noah. “It isn’t you, he’s like this with everyone.”
“No, he isn’t. Noah was always a sweetheart.” I say quiet enough that Noah shouldn’t be able to hear me. His eyes snap to mine, I wince slightly. I didn’t mean for him to hear me.
“Noah has been a broody, miserable, SOB since I met him. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Liam laughs.
I can’t take my eyes off of Noah no matter how much I want to. His gaze is searing into my skin, making my whole body warm.
I twist the lid off of my iced tea and down a few gulps, trying to cool my over-heated body. I put my drink down, grab a chicken nugget and dunk it in honey mustard.
Noah grabs my drink to read the label. I catch the smallest twitch at the corner of his lips before he can hide it.
“I can’t believe you still drink sugar free iced tea.”
“Why?”
“It’s so bad.”
“It is not. It was dad’s favorite.”
The mention of my dad brings tears to my eyes in milliseconds. Today’s been so hard without him. Going through our traditional first day of school breakfast without him there, trying to find my place in a group of classmates who are kinda strangers but kinda not. My emotions are all over the place from dealing with Noah and I feel like this is just the icing on the cake.
I want so badly to run home and tell my dad about every little thing that’s happened today. Cry to him about how much it hurts to realize that I really have lost my best friend. I want to complain about how much Noah’s changed and how he’s nothing like my Noah. Dad would hold me in his arms, rub small circles on my back, offering advice every chance he could.
I try to take deep breaths, blinking away the tears but nothing’s helping. I’ve been an emotional mess since I found him lying in a pool of blood, lifeless eyes staring back at me. I don’t know why I thought today would be any different.
The second I feel the first tear fall, I dart out of the cafeteria, leaving my entire lunch behind. I’m thankful I stopped at my locker before lunch and didn’t have any books with me, there’s no way I’m going back in there today.
‘Never Letting Go’ by Kristin MacQueen
Noah
“Shit.” I curse under my breath. Why did I have to open my big mouth?
I never meant to make her cry. I’d never try to hurt Frankie.
I didn’t think talking about iced tea would upset her, I forgot it was her dad’s favorite drink. Frankie and Mr. Valdo were always inseparable. If Mr. Valdo went fishing, Frankie went with him. If he was working on his car, she was working right alongside with him. She was like his shadow, always one step behind, never leaving him.
I’m an idiot. I should’ve thought about that before I opened my mouth. I was just trying to tease her; I don’t know how to act around her anymore, it’s killing me.
I want to grab her and force us to go back to the way things used to be between us. To go back to the Frankie and Noah we were before they moved. I want to go back to being happy and carefree, I hate being miserable but I didn’t know how to be happy without her.
“What the hell was that? Why’s she crying?”
“Her dad died a few weeks ago.” I scan the cafeteria, I wonder if anyone saw her run off crying, she’ll be livid if people are talking about her on the first day of school. No one seems to be paying attention to anyone outside of their table though.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, they were really close.”
“Damn. I hope she’s ok. Maybe I should check on her.”
“No.” I say a little too quickly. Liam raises a brow at me but I ignore him. “I’ll go see if she’s ok. I’m the one that upset her.”
I grab her food and drink before heading towards our lockers.
I know Frankie, she’s trying to figure out a way to leave school without getting in trouble. She’s probably thinking up a story to tell my mom about why she needs to leave even though the day’s only half over. My mom will let her go. Her heart’s broken for Frankie and Mrs. Valdo.
I turn the corner and can’t help the slight smile spreading over my lips when I spot her black jeans and olive-green shirt barely visible from behind the locker door.
She doesn’t hear me coming or if she does, she doesn’t show it. I grip the top of her locker, opening it wider so I can see her.
“Frankie…” I whisper but she shakes her head, still never looking away from her locker.
“Just don’t. I don’t need your pity.”
“I don’t pity you.” And I don’t. Does it upset me that she’s so sad? Damn straight. Is it weird knowing that I’ll never help Mr. Valdo fix his car or go fishing with him again? Yes. But do I pity her? Never.
I wish I could take away her pain. I wish I could bring back her dad, put that beautiful smile I remember back on her face but I don’t know how. I’m at a loss on how to make her happy just as much as I’m at a loss on how to make myself happy.
“Go back to lunch, Noah.” She whispers, I hear her words catch as she cries a little harder.
I reach into her locker, putting her food and drink on the top shelf. I stare at the girl who was my entire world until one day she wasn’t. One day she was just gone and I didn’t know how to function without her.
Pulling her into my arms, I rub my hand up and down her back. Her body’s stiff in my embrace for a few moments before she finally relaxes into me.
Her small hands go to my chest, fisting the fabric of my shirt. Her entire body’s shaking with her sobs. At this moment, I’d do anything in the world to take away her pain. I’d do anything to stop her tears and make her smile all over again.
She feels so small in my arms. I’ve always been bigger than Frankie but now I’m an entire head taller than her, even though she’s wearing heels. Her body fits against mine like a missing puzzle piece. Having her in my arms makes me feel whole, like the one thing I’ve been missing for the past few years is back, making me feel like myself again.
I’ve found myself trying to smile more today than in the past few months. She makes me happier, makes me want to try, makes me want her back.
“I have to get to class.” She whispers as she pushes back from me. She buries her head in her locker again so I can’t see her face.
I open my locker next to hers, taking my time getting my books out. I don’t want her to be alone right now. I want to be here for her, I want her to lean on me.
“What class do you have next?”
“Um, math with Mr. Shultz.”
“Perfect.” I say softly. “I’m in your class.”
“Why does the universe hate me?” She mumbles under her breath but I hear her loud and clear. She doesn’t want me around.
I’m not sure if it’s she doesn’t want me around her or if she doesn’t know how to find her way back to how things used to be. It feels weird to be around each other, not having the same relationship we used to.
