A Gamer Boy Christmas Short

I am so stinking excited for you to have a chance to hang out with Link and Ruby has they go to a company Christmas party. I nearly spit coffee out when I first read this, Lauren Helms slayed this quick little story!

“Link, your girl is here,” I hear Simon shout from the living room.

I take my time finishing up the spectacular wrap job I’m doing on this White Elephant gift, you can’t rush perfection. Plus, my girl knows whereto find me. After placing the last piece of tape on the present, I lean back and admire my work. I know from experience that not all guys have perfected the art of gift wrapping, you should see some of the shit Dex and Simon have put together over the years. But my skills are legit. Like, professional gift wrapping legit. What can I say, I’m a jack-of-all-trades, my friend.

Pushing up off the floor, I toss the wrapped My Little Pony Monopoly game on my desk and start cleaning up my mess.

With only twelve days left until Christmas, I’m feeling good. All my gifts have been bought and most of them I just wrapped. I push the small tote of gifts into my closet. I know my girl, and if she sees presents, she’s going to get nosy. Most of them are for her anyways, but it would be mean for me to leave them out in the open. Tempting her with pretty wrapped gifts. I’d much rather tempt her with dirty words of promises of all the things I want to do to her under the Christmas tree when we are alone in the apartment tonight.

As I slide the closet door shut, my bedroom door creaks open, and the most beautiful woman steps into my room.

Ruby’s soft red hair is curled and hangs to one side, over her shoulder. She’s wearing a deep blue sweater that hits her mid-thigh, skin-tight jeans, and a pair of high black boots. She looks stunning. But then again, she always does. Even when she says she’s at her worst. Impossible.

She clears her throat as I rake my gaze back up her body. That’s when I notice what’s printed on her sweater. Presents, Christmas lights, and a llama.

“Fa la la la llama?” I snort.

The biggest smile graces her face, “do you like it?”

“I love it. It’s so you.”

“It’s as close to an ugly Christmas sweater as I’m gonna get.” She walks to me and leans in and gives me a kiss.

As she starts to take a step back, I snake my arms around her waist and pull her back in.

“Hmmm. I’ve missed you, Rubes” I tell her as I kiss her again.

“And I’ve missed you, but we’ve got to go. The party starts in 20 minutes. Clearly, we are going to be late.”

I grumble and drop my hands. “Alright, is Dex and Morgan meeting us there?”

“Yup, you know Mo, she can’t stand to be late, so I’m pretty sure they are already at the office.”

Tonight is Buzzline’s holiday party and this year was the first year they opened it up for employees to bring their significant others. Since Morgan works there too, she and Dex will be in attendance.

“I just need to go pull my shirt out of the dryer, then I’ll be ready.” I walk past her and out of my room, and down the hall, but before I get too far, I hear her ask behind me, “do you need me to grab the white elephant gift?”

“Oh, yeah, don’t want to forget that!”

Soon enough, we have our coats on and head down to the waiting Uber.

“So, what did you end up getting for the exchange?” She asks next to me in the car. She gives the box a little shake. See what I mean? I just chuckle, “you’ll have to wait and see.”

We end up being 20 minutes late to the party. Ruby doesn’t mind, but the party seems to be in full swing when we arrive. We hang our coats and Ruby places the gifts on the table. She finds our name tags, as I zero in on Dex and Morgan across the room. After grabbing our drinks, we walk through the line for appetizers, then we finally met up with the two lovebirds.

I’m enjoying a rousing conversation with Dex and two guys that work for Ruby in the gaming division when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I fish it out to see a text from Simon.

Simon: dude, you forgot your gift. Do you need me to bring it to you on my way to Gia’s?

Me: Uh, no, I didn’t.

Simon: then what’s this gift sitting on your desk?

Me: what? Pic me.

Simon sends through a picture, and sure enough, the wrapped My Little Pony game is sitting on my desk. If that’s not the gift Ruby grabbed,then what did she bring…

Oh fuck.

Oh, shit, no way.

Me: Is there a wrapped gift over on my extra desk chair in the corner of my room?

Simon: nope. The only one I see is the one on your desk.

Sweat begins to bead up on the back of my neck as I realize that the gift I bought as a joke, for the yearly gift exchange with the team, was the one Ruby picked up and brought tonight.

The not safe for work gift.

As in the not safe for work candy cane stripped dildo that I thought would be incredibly hilarious in the hands of any one of my former teammates.

I need to find that gift. I’d rather be the tool who forgot to bring a gift than be the douche that brought a dildo.

I seek out the gift table and realize that all the gifts are gone, and a lady at the front of the room taps on a microphone.

“Alright, everyone! It’s time for the white elephant gift exchange. Since there so many of us this year, we’ve divided the group up into three groups. Please take a seat in one for the chairs over here, and we can get started.”

That’s when I notice that on each chair, lies is a gift.

Bazinga!

I meet Ruby on my way to the chairs and grab her hand and pull her behind me.

“Whoa, what’s the rush, Link?”

“Gotta find the best gift,” I tell her as I scan the chairs.

Finally, I see it, and no one is sitting at its chair, so I pick up the pace, weaving through the mass of chairs and people still mingling.

The anxiety building in my gut starts to subside the second I sit down in the chair. The gift is tucked securely in my lap.

Phew. That was a close one.

I must chuckle because Ruby gives me the side eye.

“What’s so funny, Link?”

“Oh, nothing, just remind me to tell you a funny story when we get home.”

I can tell she doesn’t want to let me off the hook, so I lean in and plant a kiss on her cheek and tell her she looks beautiful.

The coordinator taps on the mic again.

“Dave, Mitch, Joyce, sit down. Back away from the bar, you can resume your free drinking in a bit.”

Everyone around the room chuckles.

“Ok, so I hope you all picked a good seat, I bet you’re all hoping you got an awesome gift.”

I look around the circle and see Morgan and Dex made it to the same circle of chairs as us. Just then Ruby leans into me, “Link, isn’t that the gift you brought?” she points to the box I seem to have a death grip on.

Play dumb, man, play dumb.

“Oh, uh, is it?” I laugh, “I didn’t even realize.”

“But you wanted to find the best…”

“Shhhh,” I cut her off as the coordinator keeps talking.

“We didn’t want to make it too easy, so we are adding in a little game for more fun. Think of it like hot potato of sorts. I’m going to draw out eight pieces of paper, each with a different direction. I’ll read it out loud,then you’ll all follow the instruction. It mixes up the gifts a bit, adds more mystery to the game.

Ooohh, holy shit balls.

This time, I feel the sweat start to pool up on my forehead. For the next five or so minutes we pass our gifts four the left, six to the right,and hand it to the person who shares at least two of the same letters in our names. Somehow, my gift never finds its way back to me. When the coordinator calls out that this is the last direction, I realize that the probability of me getting that Christmas dildo back is zero to none. I can’t keep this to myself.I have to tell her.

I lean into the Ruby, as I watch the totally inappropriate gift land in the lap of its final destination.

“Hey, Baby,” I whisper in her ear, “remember that funny story I was going to tell you?”

She turns her head towards me, her eyes full of mirth.

“Yeah.”

“Well, the gift you picked up from my room, it was the wrong gift.”

“Okay…”

I clear my throat, “and well, this one, the one you brought tonight, is totally not safe for work.”

“How not safe, Link?”

“Like, really, really not safe.”

She looks at me for a beat. There’s no smile, and I think she is contemplating whether this is funny or if she should be mad.

“Who has the gift, Link?”

“Uh…”

“Who. Has. The. Gift?” she nearly growls.

I scratch the back of my neck. Shit, it’s hot in here.

“Your boss.”

She gulps but doesn’t break eye contact.

“What is in the box, Link.”

“Well, it’s actually quite festive, really” She does growl this time.

I look up, across the circle. Ruby follows my gaze to her boss, Brad, who’s causally unwrapping the gift as he chats with Nancy, HR manager sitting next to him. He doesn’t look down as he opens the box and pulls out the candy cane stripped dildo with a big red bow wrapped around it.

“Holy Santa fucknuggets,” Ruby mutters.

I suck in a breath at the same time Nancy shrieks and Brad looks to his hand. A look of pure horror consumes his face, and he shoves the dildo back in the box.

Ha, Dick in a box.

His face is beet red, and he eyes those around him to see who else might have noticed what he just held in his hand. There are several people fighting back laughter and trying to keep themselves composed.

Ruby slinks down in her chair.

Brad gets up and leaves the room, gift in hand, followed quickly by the Nancy and then the party coordinator.

I take my time turning my attention back on Ruby. Sure enough, those laser beam eyes of hers are searing into my soul right now.

Trying to act cool, I tell her, “Rubes, don’t worry, they probably won’t ask who brought it. There are too many people here for that.” Which is when I realize, this whole exchange is anonymous, so I really didn’t need to freak out so much.

I lower my voice a little and add with a chuckle, “plus, I bet he keeps it.”

She’s doesn’t laugh. “How am I supposed to face him ever again, knowing my boyfriend gave him candy cane dick for Christmas?”

“Watch your mouth, woman, its a candy cane dick. Don’t forget the a.” I hiss.

She rolls her eyes, “I have a meeting with him on Monday.”

Smiling at the thought, “ah, it might be awkward, but it could keep things entertaining.”

Ruby just grumbles.

“Look at it this way, it’s probably the last White Elephant gift exchange your office will ever have.”

“Link, why the hell did you have a candy cane dildo… wrapped?”

Finally, she doesn’t seem as mad.

“It was for our team gift exchange, I was hoping Dex or Simon ended up with it.” She nods, understanding now.

“Just be happy I decided against the crude note I originally wrote and stuffed in the box.”

“Let me guess, a note you wrote on your personalized stationery?” I can hear her mocking tone.